niji to the bug

我想家

说实话我早已不清楚家究竟在哪了

在底特律机场忙着和旅行社在电话上争辩（因为把我的预约机票给搞砸了）
当时脑海中就冒出了这一句：我想回家
我想回到安阿堡和朋友们一块住的房子
抱着我的熊在沙发上看legend of korra
（没有我这个星期六肯定少了一分喧闹）

但是为什么我还是非要套出八百美元
当场新买了张票赶到洛杉矶
真的是因为怕弟弟不够力量托行李？
在飞机上一路的恨我自己
想回家 好想回家
宁愿在安阿堡
买菜 做饭 你推我我劝你 谁也不愿洗碗
工作 疲劳 挣钱 期限
多好呀

什么都比四个星期躲着我爸的脾气要好

当时说飞机上没我的座位
当时就是上帝给我个台阶来下
当时就好像是天地给我举了个牌
牌子上写着LEFT
而我愣愣地走了RIGHT

我恨了一路 一路地骂自己
这种蠢驴都不做的选择
我干嘛要做 为了安抚谁
难道我这些年的忏悔不够？

凌晨五点推开窗版看着飞机降落
广州的烟雾一层又一层
我想回家 五岁的我满脸泪水
第一次看着大陆在我眼前渐渐地拉开距离
妈妈你为啥带我走
我想回家

我弱弱地把视线收回到黑暗的机舱里
家在哪我都不知道
我哪有资格想家呀

我的心好软

Trudged back in the rain after morning tea and got rained on trying to keep the umbrella over my little cousin Gary. The whole time I was thinking, if only I had a massive umbrella like Night King Hosen (who always made me think of Phoenix King Ozai because 鳳仙 means "phoenix immortal" — which now that I think of it is rather ironic considering that he burned to death in the sun — and their two characters do resemble each other in more ways than one).

Then we watched some Jackie Chan Adventures while I tried to pick up an unsecured wireless signal from another apartment building. Katsura totally watches Jackie Chan Adventures in my Gintama headcanon.

Dreamed last night that I was driving (or being driven) through a strange city where all the road systems were underground and the tunnel walls were completely covered in ivy with phosphorescent blue and purple flowers. Somehow I think this was brought on by the drive back from the airport yesterday during which I noticed how my mom's side of the family has skin like paper; you can see their veins so clearly, blue and purple.

I'll be flying back across the Atlantic on the 24th and won't make it in time for artemis_elric's birthday party. I was flying the other way this time last month on nota_lone's birthday. Why is it that every year I always seem to be up in the air, missing my friends' birthdays? At least I'm bringing presents. #sakamoto #forever alone

It was raining when we got there, so the next two pics have raindrops on the lens....


( Read more... )

When you master a language, you lose the ability to hear what it sounds like. The sounds of the language are replaced by the meaning of the words. You can't listen to the sound alone anymore. It's difficult, impossible to distance yourself so that you hear just the shapes and tones, patterns and cadences. Only when there's a background conversation, a murmur. But as soon as you focus, the sounds are lost and your brain is swamped by signals for semantics.

I practice hearing what is voiced instead of what is said when I listen to the radio. I try to focus obliquely, as one might a fuzzy star. I ask myself repeatedly, "What does English sound like?" or "What does Chinese sound like?" so that I won't hear — or try not to register — the words. A few times, I've come close to succeeding.

I guess that's where some of the magic of saying names lies: You say "Alfred", for instance, and (unless you've read the back of the dictionary like I did as a child and know that it means "elf friend") you don't think that it means red or green or hot or cold or crouch or leap. It is just a beautifully simple sound, two notes without assigned lyrics. It is just English.

( So I guess by ''4 months'', I really meant 10 days, huh? )

ETA. It is the second anniversary of the 2008 Wenchuan earthquake. 所有的牺牲者和幸存者，你们都是英雄。我们永远不会忘记！

I've been meaning to do that since... 8th grade. xD Bonus point for anyone with dog ears who can pick up the keening in the background (which would be me vocalizing an octave above my harmony).

Moving on to more important things....

---

I've conducted my first two interviews for my Chinese Media term project. The first one was this past Thursday. I interviewed a junior theatre major with a focus on screenwriting. He went on for two hours, but he was very interesting (having studied a huge spectrum of Chinese movies), and the weather was gorgeous (we did the interview outside). This is the only face-to-face interview I'll be recording. Last night, I interviewed mengxia over the phone. It was wonderful talking to her again after so long. She had a lot of awesome insight to offer regarding the budding genre of horror in China and the importance of female roles and native culture in the direction of future films. Audio was tougher to pick up off speaker phone, but I think editing will be manageable.

Well, so far so good! I look forward to talking with more of you who have volunteered next week. And if I don't end up contacting you for a recorded interview, I hope you won't mind me asking about your experience with Chinese film in writing. :]

Your closed eyes open in the night sky
Constellations never seen before appear
Deeper than ocean, color of heaven
Shining through the year
You have passed beyond our reach
But not beyond our love
We live in your honor and pray for your peace
Our brethren high above